Stupid Boy
by gonesiriuslyblack
Summary: Why Lily ran to James and how Severus lost the love of his life forever. A compilation of different moments throughout their lives. Quite Sad. Songfic, Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton. Could probably be K , rated T just in case.


**Why Lily ran to James and how Severus lost the love of his life forever. A compilation of different moments throughout their lives. Songfic, Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton.**

**Disclaimer: This wonderful world belongs to the amazing Joanne Rowling.**

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><p><em>She was precious like a flower<em>

_She grew wild, wild but innocent__  
><em>_Perfect prayer in a desperate hour__  
><em>_She was everything beautiful and different_

_Stupid boy, you can't fence that in__  
><em>_Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind_

"Malfoy—Lucius Malfoy. My family is the wealthiest and best there is—well, besides the Blacks of course, but no one really counts them. They've got blood traitors crawling out of every corner of their family tree. But, I'm sure you already know all this. Severus says you're a shoo-in for Slytherin."

"He can't possibly know that already. And I'm not really familiar with what you're talking about. I'm a muggle—"

"Lily. There you are. Come, we must find a seat somewhere."

"Sev, it's very rude to leave in the middle of a conversation."

"Lily, you mustn't broadcast such information as your blood status."

"Why not? I'm not ashamed of my parents."

"Some people in the Wizarding World frown upon muggleborns. They believe that muggleborns aren't as good as other witches and wizards. You know I don't, but other people do."

"But I don't care what other people think about me. I want them to see me for who I really am."

"Lily, just trust me. Things are better this way."

"…Okay, Sev."

"Good. Now, let's go find a seat."

_She laid her heart and soul right in your hands__  
><em>_And you stole her every dream and crushed her plans__  
><em>_She never even knew she had a choice__  
><em>_That's what happens when the only voice__  
><em>_She hears is tellin' her she can't_

_Stupid boy, you stupid boy_

Lily looked at her watch again. Severus was thirty minutes late, but she was sure he had a good reason this time. She watched and waited another ten minutes before he finally entered the library.

"Sev! I thought you might've forgotten."

"Sorry, Lils. I just stopped by to let you know I can't help you study tonight. Urgent meeting with the boys."

Lily's face fell. "Oh. Well, Potions exams are less than a month away and I really need help. Maybe I could ask Alice—"

"No. She's a pureblood, Lily. You know what purebloods think of your blood status."

"But Sev, I don't think Alice is like the others."

"Lily, Lily. Don't be so naïve. They're all the same. Just hit the books tonight and I'll try to be free to help you tomorrow night."

"Sure. Okay. Wait, Severus?"

"Yes, Lily?" he huffed.

"Are you…are you one of them? One of the Slytherin guys that want to join You-Know-Who's army?"

"Why would you ask that?" He suddenly became very rigid and cold.

"I'm just worried about you, Sev. I don't want you to get hurt."

His eyes softened. "Don't worry, Lils. I'm fine."

_So what made you think you could take her life__  
><em>_And just push it, push it around?__  
><em>_I guess to build yourself up so high__  
><em>_You had to take her and break her down_

"Lily, are you ready to go yet? Hogsmeade doesn't wait forever, and nor will I."

"Sorry. I was just fixing my hair," Lily said when she came bounding out of the girls' lavatory near the Great Hall.

"Fixing it? What were you thinking? It looks atrocious."

Lily reached a hand out to stroke her curled hair. "I just thought that—"

"No, it's clear that you were not thinking. Why would you put forth an effort to make it look like a bird's nest?"

"I—I can pull it up," she whimpered.

"No, it's too late now. And what are you wearing? Goodness, did you get dressed in the dark? Let's just go." Severus turned on his heel and walked briskly out of the castle.

"I just wanted our first trip to Hogsmeade to be special," Lily whispered at Severus's retreating back.

_She laid her heart and soul right in your hands__  
><em>_And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans__  
><em>_She never even knew she had a choice__  
><em>_That's what happens when the only voice__  
><em>_She hears is tellin' her she can't_

Lily sat in silence with Severus at the very end of the Gryffindor table. As she munched on her toast, she checked her watch.

"Oh! I've got to go. Don't want to be late."

"Late for what?" Severus asked.

"Quidditch tryouts. It's always looked like so much fun and I'm a decent flyer. I thought I'd go out for keeper."

Severus snorted. "Lily. Really, come on. You're not good for anything but a pick-up game. There's no way you'd make your house quidditch team. Do you even know who the captain is this year?"

"Well…no."

"It's Potter. Do you really want to be a part of the Potter and Black show on the quidditch pitch?"

"I guess not."

"That's right. Just sit down and finish breakfast and later I can show you the new spell I've invented."  
><em><br>__Stupid boy, ah you always had to be right__  
><em>_And now you lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive_

_She laid her heart and soul right in your hands__  
><em>_And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans__  
><em>_She never even knew she had a choice__  
><em>_That's what happens when the only voice__  
><em>_She hears is tellin' her she can't_

"All right, Snivellus?" Severus heard a voice call.

Without a moment's hesitation, he dropped his bag and plunged his hand into his robe for his wand, but James Potter was too fast for him.

"_Expelliarmus!_" Severus's wand flew into the air and hit the grass about twelve feet behind him. He heard Sirius Black's bark of laughter and then, "_Impedimenta!_"

Severus lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands up.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" asked James.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," replied Sirius. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

Severus tried to get up, but the jinx held fast; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.

"You—wait," he panted. "You—wait…"

"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What're you going to do, wipe your nose on us?"

Severus let out a mix of swears and hexes, but nothing happened, his wand still resting about ten feet away.

"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "_Scourgify!_"

Pink soap bubbles streamed from his mouth, making him gag, choking him. He couldn't breathe…

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily cried, stomping over from the edge of the lake.

"All right, Evans?" James said.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James, thinking, "it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…"

"You think you're funny," Lily said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

Behind him, Severus could feel the Impediment Jinx wearing off. He began to inch towards his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius, turning back to Severus. "OY!"

Sirius was too late. Severus had already aimed his wand at James, and with a flash of light, a gash appeared on James's face, splattering his robes with blood. With a second flash, Severus was hanging upside down in the air with his robes over his head.

Lily, on edge of amusement and rage, said, "Let him down!"

"Certainly," said James. Severus fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. He disentangled himself and got to his feet, wand raised, but Sirius cried, "_Petrificus Totalus!_" Severus fell over again, stiff as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, pulling out her own wand.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed and muttered the countercurse. "There you go," James said as Severus struggled to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Severus wished he could take it back as soon as he let it out. He turned to look at Lily through horrified eyes.

"Fine," she said coolly."I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

Severus didn't take much in after that. He saw James and Lily exchange a few more words until Lily stomped away. He made to follow her until he was hoisted into the air again. When he finally made contact with the ground, he didn't even bother to send the Marauders a spiteful look. His brain wasn't functioning. He just let his feet guide him to his betrayed best friend. He turned a corner and sat on the floor near the portrait hole to Gryffindor Tower until he saw a friend of Lily's whose name he couldn't remember.

"I'll sleep here," he told her. "I'll stay here as long as it takes for her to come out." Lily's friend huffed and climbed through the portrait hole. A minute later, Severus saw a swish of red clambering out of the same place the other girl had disappeared.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—"

"Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends—you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus opened his mouth, but then closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No—listen. I didn't mean—"

"—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look Lily turned and climbed back through the portrait hole.

His shoulders hunched, Severus turned and made his way back towards the Slytherin common room. A single tear fell down his cheek. He had told Lily for years that she shouldn't make friends with some people because of her blood status, and suddenly he had lost her over that very reason.

_Stupid boy, ah, it's the same old__  
><em>_Same old, stupid boy_

_It took a while for her to figure out she could run__  
><em>_But when she did she was long gone, long gone, yeah_

Severus watched them progress from friendly chatting to hand holding and hugging and finally to making out all over the Hogwarts grounds. It made the rest of his time at Hogwarts miserable, watching them and knowing it was all his fault.

It became a little more bearable when they all graduated and he no longer had to see them joined at the hip. His worst nightmare had become reality: he had lost the love of his life to the arrogant, bespectacled, tousle-haired Potter.

One morning, he sat comfortably in his flat reading the Daily Prophet when he came across a wedding announcement: _James Potter and Lily Evans, to be united in Marriage on Saturday, July the 27__th_. He felt his heart shatter.

On that Saturday, he listened underneath a stained-glass window of the church. Instead of objecting like he strongly felt the urge to do, Severus bitterly held his peace. When he finally heard Lily's lovely voice call out, "I do," he couldn't take it anymore and left as swiftly as he had come. No one ever knew that Severus Snape had attended the Potter's wedding.

When Severus heard of Lily's pregnancy, he delved completely into the dark arts. In order to no longer hear of news relative to the Potters, he did not expose himself to the outside world unless under direct command of the Dark Lord himself.

_Stupid boy, you're just a stupid boy__  
><em>_You never get it right, do you?_

Severus stepped through the debris and rubble, desperately wishing for her to be alive, but hopelessly realizing that there was no point.

He climbed cautiously up the stairs, and the part of his heart that he could still feel broke when he reached the top. Vibrant red hair was splayed across the floor, coated in dirt and ash.

He stood over the dead body of Lily Evans and bathed in the feelings of regret, nausea, and unrequited love. "Lily…I'm so sorry. I was wrong. I love you. And now it's too late."

Severus dropped to his knees and cradled her cold, pale body. Vaguely, he registered a baby's squall, but he was too far gone to really notice. Severus, tormented, cried over Lily's dead body, wishing with all that he had that he could take everything back, do it differently. That Halloween night when Lily Potter was tragically murdered, most of Severus Snape's heart died with her, as did all of his happiness. And there was nothing he could do but protect her only child from those seeking to destroy him.

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><p><strong><strong>I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. This is definitely one of my favorites. Please please please review! I'll love you forever!<strong>**


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